To my friends and colleagues it is pretty obvious that I like cars. Not Lancers, of course, and certainly not the ubiquitous Yaris, but something rather more ... well, nippy. My recent relocation to Abu Dhabi from the famously car-hating London gave me the opportunity to do something I could never dream of back in the UK: run a nice car.
So, after investigating required deposits, interest rates, insurance, how to get a UAE driving licence (actually, that bit was easy thanks to Abu Dhabi Week’s recent Need to Know on the subject!) I headed down to my dealer of choice and enquired politely about a certain used vehicle from a prestigious marquee and a factory somewhere in central Europe.
Booking a test-drive was simple. The understanding and professional salesman made it very easy, (knowing that I’d be trapped once I had driven this marvel of Teutonic engineering). So a deal was struck, and I was marched to an ATM to withdraw a large amount of cash. That was a full month ago. I have no car.
And please remember that this vehicle is in stock. I had woefully underestimated The Power Of The Bureaucracy. You need 36 cheques? What’s wrong with a Direct Debit – surely that would be easier and cheaper for everyone? Why do you need to see and retain copies of my driving licences (UK and UAE), my bank statements (UK and UAE), my work ID (awful photo), my residence visa, my passport, my birth certificate (fortunately that does not carry a photograph) and anything else that may or may not be relevant, carry a mugshot, or bear some kind of official stamp?
The most frustrating part of the experience is that everyone has been so nice. I cannot start to get irritated with them because everyone is so polite and friendly! And that’s why, despite the delays, I’m still somehow not upset with the whole experience it could have been so much worse. Can anyone imagine a used-car dealer in the UK staying polite after they’ve got your money?

[writer] Ryan Clarke

 

[Originally published in Abu Dhabi Week vol 2 issue 14]